


The War Before the Roses

by merryghoul



Category: Gossip Girl, Torchwood
Genre: Alternate Canon, Alternate Universe, Crossover, Gen, Revenge, Shaving
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-08-01
Updated: 2011-08-01
Packaged: 2017-10-22 02:39:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 530
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/232823
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/merryghoul/pseuds/merryghoul
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Chuck realizes his new personal servant isn't as tame as he imagined.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The War Before the Roses

**Author's Note:**

> Gossip Girl canon: AU 4.07. Torchwood canon: After COE, AU: Ianto doesn't die, but Torchwood is still dismantled.

"I'd never thought I'd find a personal servant who dresses as sharp as I do."

"I'm sorry, sir, but I can't hear you."

"I said--" Chuck raised his voice. "I'd never thought I'd find a butler who dresses as sharp as I do."

"Thank you, sir. It's very hard to hear you--you sound like you have marbles in your mouth."

"I can't change how I talk, Ianto."

Ianto put a bib over Chuck's robe and tied it as Chuck reclined in his chair.

"A domestic worker that can give a nice shave and make a nice cup of coffee. I would've never imagined it."

Ianto first stropped a straight razor, first on the canvas side of the strop, then the leather side. He placed the razor to the side. He filled a bowl with a hot towel in it with a tea kettle filled with hot water. After the towel was saturated with the hot water, he drained the excess water out of the towel and applied it to Chuck's face briefly. With a brush Ianto applied tobacco-scented shaving jelly to Chuck's face.

"I never knew shaving cream even smelled like tobacco," Chuck said as Ianto put down the shaving jelly and brush and picked up the razor. "Nice touch. Did you make this?"

"I bought it online, sir."

"Oh."

Ianto slowly shaved Chuck's face with the grain, first starting with the right side, then under the right side Chuck's chin, then the left side of Chuck's face. He shaved just above Chuck's lip and finished with shaving around Chuck's chin. Between each movement of the razor Ianto cleaned the blade with a small handkerchief. Ianto poured more hot water on the towel and covered Chuck's face again. He covered Chuck's face with the shaving gel again and repeated shaving Chuck's face, this time across the grain.

When Ianto was about to apply a third round of the shaving cream to Chuck's face, Chuck said "I'm so glad I'm getting a shave before Blair's party."

"Blair Waldorf? Your ex-girlfriend? The one you declared war on?"

"Yes, that Blair Waldorf."

Ianto quickly opened the razor and put it under Chuck's neck.

"I've seen a lot of horrible things that few men will ever see, but I've never seen anything as horrible as you trying to destroy Blair Waldorf's life. If I wanted to I would slit your throat for attempting to ruin that girl's life. I'll finish your shave if you promise to leave her alone. Do not attempt to ruin her party."

Chuck's eyes widened. "We declared a truce earlier. The war is over. I promise not to do anything deplorable at Blair's party."

"Well, then, sir, I will resume with your shave."

Ianto resumed applying the shaving cream and shaved Chuck's face, this time against the grain. He finished Chuck's shave with tobacco-scented aftershave.

As Chuck went into his wardrobe to pick out something to wear for Chuck's party, Ianto asked "Need anything else, sir?"

"No, Ianto. Thank you. I'll call you tomorrow for a shave and some espresso."

Ianto cleaned up his shaving equipment, putting the straight razor in his pocket just in case he needed it.


End file.
